When people ask me how my thesis is going
Mario? Zelda? Big band? Perfect.
1. Editorial for Pilgrim House Newsletter
2. Promotional poster for Easter on the Quad
drawing more of my work these days.
we should be in the news for showing selfless love and igniting justice in places without light
but we are represented by hate, condemnation, and bigotry
finding freedom from sin
running away from the past
It’s bizarre to watch younger sisters go through the same trials and struggles that I once went through.
I wish I could tell them the right combination of words to grant them the proper wisdom and motivation to endure through the pain. Even pointing at specific scriptures that helped me can be fruitless. Just because God spoke to me through certain passages doesn’t mean He’ll speak to another in the same way.
I wish I could reach into their heads and give them my perspective. The perspective I gained after weeks, months, years of tears, prayers, and confusion. But then I realize, they have to go through the weeks, months, years of tears, prayer, and confusion as well. Because even if they could understand that my words have some validity, my experiences can never become their experiences. And even if they did specific things because I think it’s wise, that doesn’t mean that they understand why it’s wise. My convictions can’t become someone else’s convictions.
That’s why I pray… Not because I have magical prayers that can change the course of people’s lives, but to remind myself that every sister my heart breaks for is in the hands of my creator. Not me. Never me.
(And I guess many older sisters/brothers who look at me probably feel the same way. Sorry for the stress and heartache. But thank you so much for the prayers)
When you first come out of a dry, dark, depressing, difficult season into a fruitful and joyful season, you are naturally filled with songs of praise. You say, “All glory be to God,” with every other breath you take. You appreciate every moment of joy. You savor the peace you’ve been given. Your lips are filled with praise and worship to the wonderful creator who can give us freedom from sin.
Days, weeks, months pass. God is still good. God speaks to You during your devotionals, He is apparent in your interactions with brothers & sisters, He comforts you in your most stressful times. It is good. It is good, it is good…
And then… you forget.
You forget how bad it had truly been, and how you had never wanted to be back there again. You forget that it took every bit of your sanity to fight. How joy was nothing more than a concept. How worship felt so dry when you couldn’t agree with the words. How discouraged you had felt by empty words of good-intentioned but inexperienced peers. You forget the nights where you stayed up in tears crying out to God. You forget how you wrote Bible verses on your hand and wielded it like a sword. You forget the desperate way in which you prayed.
And this forgetfulness leads to pride.
"I’m really doing something right here, of course my walk is so solid… I really need to tell other people about this so that they can follow my example."
"I got this down."
I can’t forget. I can’t forget. I can’t forget. Because man, the devil would love that. Remember the Israelites who yearned to return to slavery because they craved meat. Remember how quick they were to forget the great miracle God had shown them.
In healing, I want to forget that I had ever been scarred, that it had ever been so hard. I want to forget forever and never think about it again. But if I do that, I’ll forget how gracious, how merciful, how gentle He was in saving me. HE saved me. There is nothing I did to help. I simply receive the privilege to be a testimony of his faithfulness.
Some more awesome movies I’ve watched recently that everyone should watch. Here’s part 1! (The Departed, the Breakfast Club, Almost Famous, The Big Lebowski, American Beauty)
1. The Godfather I & II (1972, 1974)
Everyone always says you should watch these movies, and now I know why. Marlon Brando. Al Pacino. ‘nuff said. “I’m going to make you an offer that you can’t refuse……….”
2. Taxi Driver (1976)
Never thought too much of Robert DeNiro until I saw this movie. A film that catalogs the makings of a psychopath in NYC. You want to root for him but he’s a pretty terrible person. And the music. THE MUSIC! Fun fact. The guy who attempted to assassinate Ronald Reagan was inspired by this movie… He was obsessed with Jodie Foster, who is one of the main characters. O__O
3. Do The Right Thing (1989)
Follows a cast of characters in one confined neighborhood on the hottest day of the year, while racial tensions rise and explode. All of the cast have so much personality that it’s hard to believe they’re acting. (Are they? I’m not sure that they are…)
4. City of God (2002)
I feel like I’m cheating on this one because I watched it for class last semester. Basically about gangs of teenagers that run the slums of Rio de Janeiro. And then the main character is just this kid who really likes taking photographs. Kind of tragic. Kind of amazing.
5. Fargo (1996)
If you ever wondered… “what would gangster and crime movies look like set in rural, snowy minnesota?” then here is your answer. Fargo. Conclusions drawn from this movie - Minnesotans are amazing. And all criminals are actually just a joke.
He who forms the mountains, creates the wind,
and reveals his thoughts to man,
He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth —
the Lord God Almighty is his name.
- Amos 4:13