some thoughts.

Fifteen of us prayed together on a saturday night, surrounded by the sounds of partying. We were amidst the world without coloring ourselves like them. But we knew our own hearts and how ridiculously easy it would have been for us to be on the other side of the wall. For many of us, we had been there. For the rest of us, we had wished to be there. 

I take grace for granted and don’t appreciate what’s immediately in front of me. I look longingly towards the future without caring for the present. I constantly forget the good in my life and dwell disproportionately on the bad. I expect others to give me the benefit of the doubt when I act out and then don’t give others that same love. I only allow people to get as close to me as I want them to and then get offended if they don’t want to get close to me. …I am such a sinner.

Dozens of people have sown in my life and only a couple were an active part of the reaping. My life’s sower’s have no idea what they’ve done for me and some of them may never know until heaven. I only learned to appreciate my youth group teachers after I became a teacher myself and saw how deceivingly difficult it was. I wonder if I’ll only truly appreciate my parents until I become a parent myself. I wonder if I’ll never appreciate some people in my life to the degree they deserve because I’ll never be in their shoes.